Category Archives: Life

Thump, Thump

My breath caught.

Nothing.

The agony of waiting and straining my ears was heart wrenching. What if…..

But I then I heard it and my breath caught again. It was one of the sweetest sounds that life brings.

Thump, thump.

Tears slipped down my cheeks as I was once again in awe at the miracle of conception and the gift of life. I had learned about the fragility of pregnancy all too well last year with the loss of my “Angel Baby.”  Forget the fact that this is my sixth pregnancy, the first little thump of that tiny heart was precious beyond words. I had missed that moment with my miscarriage last February. I alternated between laughing with relief and crying with joy. My midwife had to keep finding the wee one since I was emotional and ahem, not lying still. She understood though. It was a blessed moment.

October baby

So yes, although my family has truly been sick off and on for the past two months, I was keeping this little secret from you. Taking care of ill family members, scrubbing out “sick” buckets on the back deck-in the dark, homeschooling, cooking and cleaning was just about all this extremely tired momma could handle.  The fear of miscarriage lingered in the back of my mind constantly. I’ve missed posting here terribly but did not want to jeopardize the new little one in any possible way. Blogging was on the back burner for a short time there and the basics of life was more than I could handle. Life can sometimes have very full moments and seasons, you know?

I am nearly 14 weeks along now and doing very well. The constant fatigue is still there but I’m managing. Eating lots of fruits and veggies, drinking water by the gallon, taking my prenatal vitamins and resting when I can (if at all!) seems to be helping. I’ve tried to enjoy and bask in every moment of every day with this little one, even the little discomforts of those early pregnancy symptoms. God is so good.

We have had the joy of sharing about our little blessing with family and friends this week as well as telling our own children. The munchkins were absolutely hysterical. It was a such a fun moment. There has been constant patting and rubbing of Mommy’s belly over the past few days. Love it.

{We’ve already heard a long list of name faves shared by our children…Dick and Sally seem to be top contenders by the kiddos. Perhaps a bit too much reading of their collection of Dick and Jane books over the years, I think. Ha!}

I’ll try to keep you updated on this amazing journey that I have been blessed to embark upon…yet again. Children are indeed a blessing from the Lord and we thank Him for every one of them:

Bunny, Fuzz, Zip, Pop, “Angel”, and  now,…our sweet little October baby.

Thanks for reading and for hanging in there with me.

When It Rains, It Sometimes Pours

Just wanted to drop you, my readers, a line before another week passes.

I am still here. Thank you guys for your questions and concerns over my absence on the ol’ blog for the past few weeks.

Can we just say the word sickness and be done with it? We’ve just about had it all in recent days. Here I was patting myself on the back for making it through the winter with little to no sickness. This is, or I should say”would have been”, a remarkable feat with four small children- two of which suck their thumb/fingers. Sucking can be so sweet in little tots, but it also serves as a wide open front door-with a welcome mat- for germs.

I’m hoping to bid a fond farewell to chills, vomiting, headaches, pink eye, sore throats, runny noses, coughs, fevers, and the pink eye again. Multiply all of this by four (and sadly some of them by six) and I’d dare say that we’ve had our turn of running sick bay.

Since the onset of our family being sick and also attending revival services at our church was simply too easy {rolls eyes}, we decided to make life more interesting and rip out all of our carpet in the main living areas.  Why now, you ask? Scrubbing puke out of the carpet and disinfecting everything in sight to contain the pink eye to only two family members in addition to keeping up the house, laundry, and cooking made life mundane and average.  By the way, what are the chances, when you pull out over half of the carpet in your house, that your child still manages to get sick on the carpet that you’re planning on keeping?  Evidently, the odds are very high at our house.

Yes, it was definitely a “wild hair” moment, but well worth it.  After two weeks of the living room in the kitchen and vice versa, life is beginning to settle back down. And so is the dust from construction. *sigh*

I’m really not complaining though. I love our new flooring-even though it’s not quite finished.  Hubs and I still need to replace some of the baseboards and put in the quarter round and transition strips leading into the bedrooms/bathrooms. I can nearly cross this project off our Home Goals 2013 list.

So how are you guys faring through germ season? Holding it at bay? If yes, please share your secret. I, for one, would love to know.

Thanks for sticking with me.

 

 

Letter to Heaven

My sweet, precious little one,

My thoughts are with you today.  You see, August 8, 2012 was your due date.

(just days before the miscarriage began)

My heart is still very sorrowful over losing you.  You, just like your sisters and brother, were wanted.  Letting go was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

I was told that your daddy and I were very blessed to have never experienced a miscarriage before as it is a common experience.  And we were.

We learned that 30% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage.  Did it make losing you any easier?  No, not really.  The difference between knowledge and life experience is a vast gulf.

It was a journey I never thought that I would have to take.  My prior pregnancies had all been relatively smooth ones.  It was because of you, dear one, that I was reminded of how fragile and priceless the miracle of conception and birth really is.

However, I was extremely thankful that I did not have to walk it alone.  Your daddy was there by my side throughout each decision.

He held me in his arms as I sat sobbing in the living room the night we lost you.  Later that same day, we both cried in the doctor’s office as we faced the decision of a D and C.  It broke my heart to see your daddy cry.  He loved you.

I wish that you could have known him.  He’s the best daddy in the world.  He’s tall and has dark curly hair that he hates and I love.  Your daddy has absolutely the prettiest brown eyes.  I just get lost in them-they are that dreamy.  He also sings and plays the piano and he uses these gifts every day as the music pastor at our church.  He loves the Lord with all of his heart and works very hard to serve Him to the best of his ability every. single. day.   All in all, your father is a special man and I am blessed more than I deserve to have him in my life.

I don’t even know where to begin with your sisters and brother.  They are such a silly little crew.

Bunny (that’s just her nickname -your daddy’s dubbed all of his kiddos with fitting nicknames at their birth or shortly after) is our dreamer.  She is a very creative gal and extremely competitive.  She hates to lose -at anything.  She loves music but hates to practice the piano.    As far as looks, she looks like her daddy but has dirty blonde hair and blue eyes like me.  Bunny is a true sweetheart that is rapidly turning into a mature little lady.

Next in the line up is Fuzz.  This sister is a literal hoot.  She makes me laugh every day.  We gave her the middle name of Joy (after a dear friend of mine in college and also because we just liked it) and never has a name been more fitting.  Fuzz makes you smile with all of her antics.  She flashes those big blue eyes at you and you’re a goner.  Fuzz is blessed with her father’s brown curly hair and her Papaw’s dimples.  She is also interested in music and is an extremely inquisitive child.  Fuzz is a thinker, no doubt about it.   I look forward to seeing the bright and godly young lady that she will become.

Then Zip came along…in a very big hurry.  She’s a tiny little wisp of a girl.  She can be very quiet and very loud.  She has been our one and only (I hope) screamer.  Thankfully that attempted stage is behind us.  (Whew!) Zip is the spitting image of her daddy but with my coloring- very fair with white blond hair and blue eyes.  She’s our thumb-sucking cutie and would snuggle with someone all day long if she could. Zip is sadly leaving the toddler years behind and turning into an energetic, creative little girl.

Last of all, there’s Pop.  Where do I even begin with this kid?!  We were blessed last year with our first bundle of blue.  What a difference- ha!  After three girls, a little boy has been a ton of fun.  And let me tell you, he is ALL boy.  Pop has all of the grunts, “motor” sounds, and noises that naturally comes with boys.  It makes me laugh to watch him play and explore.  He takes everything full-speed ahead and plows over anything in his path.  He’s a rough and tumble kind of guy.  He, like Fuzz, looks like Mommy’s side of the family but has Daddy’s coloring.  Pop’s definitely a charmer.  I eagerly anticipate the days and years ahead of watching him develop into a young man.

And then there was you.

And me.  I would tell you all about me, but we’ve talked before, haven’t we?  Three months of bonding may not seem like much to some, but when taken in perspective, it truly was a lifetime.  It was yours.

When I began this post six months ago, it was hard.  It was really, really hard.  I could only write a little at a time.   My heart was breaking over the countless things I’d lost:  watching my tummy grow with you, catching a brief look of your little face on the ultrasound- you know, a foretaste of what’s to come, feeling every precious twist, turn and hiccup that would merely be gentle reminders of the life I was nurturing, your birth story, that first glimpse of your sweet face, seeing you smile, holding my nose through all your messy diapers, hearing your baby chatter, kissing you good night, holding you tight and simply saying -I love you.

The peace of God and the love of my family have been a tremendous comfort to me these past few months.  I still have days that are filled with tears,like today, but knowing that you are strong and healthy now makes my sadness lessen. I sorrow for my loss not for your gain, wee one.

Some may not understand the pain of losing a baby.  And I understand that too.  I’ve been there.  But by the divine and all-knowing hand of God, I now comprehend the grief of miscarriage.  While I may not have been blessed to know you face to face,…

Baby Pop- 2011

….I know you in my heart.

I love you forever and for always.

Love,

Mommy

He Said Please

Yesterday marked ten years.

What began as an innocent birthday party for my boyfriend ended as one of the most precious days of my life.

7-8-02 will always be special.

The man of my dreams was on one knee before me.

He said “marry me please”.

I said “yes”.

For the past decade.  For the rest of my life.

Happy Monday.  (How long has it been since your sweetie proposed?)